Life is wonderful..

More of God, less of me~

Thursday, March 25, 2010 9:17 PM

To think of it..

I have been a christian for many years~

almost 10 years or more??

but to think of it..i feel ashamed..

because i realised I have not done much for God

neither have I been a good christian??

though i have been faithfully going to church

serving in my church

leading worship and leading the youths..

But as days goes by..i realised that I am doing it

because of it's a duty/responsibility rather than passion/love for God

slowly..sometimes the work of God become a chore..

and sometimes tiring

though i smile happily but

And deep within me is just emptiness..

because i don't knw what i am doing~

My bible is collecting dust at home

Prayers are said only when I feel like talking to God..

the faith was just on n off

sometimes hot, n many times cold

it is like a circle..

I move one step closer to God n

backslide 10 steps back..

and i have to restart my fire for God all over again..

It's a struggle..

u may ask me..den why hold on..why not let go of being a christian?

be a free-thinker..do whatever u like~

but my answer is NO, NO,NO

No..i wouldn't..i nv will or can nv let go of my faith..

why?

because

I know that Jesus is real..

he has performed many miracles

I have experienced him many times in my life

he has blessed me with many thingsand i can't run away from tht fact

I remembered back before i become a christian

I used to hide myself n cry alot..

I hated myself, I hated my life because I felt that

my life was meaningless n pointless..

my life during my childhood was like a nightmare

Somtimes when i wake up in the morning ..

i would cry...

insecurity, feeling rejected n unwanted, feeling unloved..

family was nt a home...

many times..at night..i wld cry till i fall asleep..

it was like my heart was broken/there was a big hole..

which was killing my soul...

I felt like dying...

but till I was in Pri6..

my aunt brought me to church...

the first thing..

I fell in love immediately with this God...

i didn't know much abt him but

I could feel him and his presence was awesome in church..

i love the church songs

I was given a bible by the church

every night..i will read it like a very interesting story book

I hungered to know him

I wld read n pray for hours n hours..

n i could feel him in my life..

sometimes when i pray

the next moment i see my prayers being answered

He worked in unimaginable way

everytime when i felt upset..i wld still cry..

but i wld pray..and there will be a unexplainable peace in my heart

I wld feel alright aftertht..

somehow like my sorrows have been taken from me..

slowly God has changed my life and my thinking

the bible became my connection with God

every time i read the bible..

it seems like he was talking to me..

the words was like directly speaking to me at that moment..

begining of my christian walk was like magical

God was with me..I enjoyed his presence..

He began blessing me with many things..

he helped me to stop sinning

he healed my broken heart

he helped me do well in my studies..

I was happy from the inside out...

but soon..

many times i backslided..

there was even a time i wanted to give up on myself n God

but I knew i couldn't ...

In the end..I glad I didn't

because he is real..

he was like a closest friend, best heavenly father who was there for me

But i wasn't pleased with my christian life..

i was shy n afraid to share my faith with my friends

afraid that they will mock me..

I was only comfortable to share to those i was comfortable with...

I didn't allowed God to fully work in my life..

I didn't spend alot of time with God..

I didn't put God first in everything..

I did something terrible which i shdn't which i wanna repent today..

And today

I decided i am gonna change for the better..

what made me had this reflection?

or what made me want to have a new committment with God?

I was reading vanness wu's blog..

yes..the popular F4 singer..unexpected?

and the actor of the current taiwan serial i am watching..

check it his blog out if u like

www.alivenotdead.com/vannesswu

he is a strong christian..

and I am really touched n inspired by what he is doing for God..

and i feel ashamed..

so I wanna step up this committment

I wanna change the way I live my life..

I have been living for myself..

But today onwards I gonna live for God..

shine for God

and spread God's love..

from TODAY!!

till the day I die..

I wan more ppl to knw jesus..

because time is running out..

I wan everyone to go heaven

where God is=)

God loves u..God bless u all=)

p.s..i can't believe i wrote so much=X