deep thoughts..
feeling super emo nw...
i dont know why..
but there is just an feeling of emptiness within me..
and the feeling just sux..
i just wanna blog it out..
dunno whether it was because crying too much while
watchin the korean drama 花より男子(boys over flowers),
or was it because i didn't have enough sleep
chionged through the night to watch finish the serial,
because want to see the happy ending to the story..
tht i slept at 6.30am and only 2 hrs of sleep.
but to my disappointment, the ending to the show suxz!
or maybe it is not because of tht...
its the feeling when i felt when i was younger
long time did not have the feeling
i stopped feeling tht way after i believe in christ
but recently the feeling just reoccurred
because of the issue of moving out..
it felt like there is missing piece in my life,
or it feels like a hole in my heart..
something which i really yearn for..
as a child i use to wake up crying, feeling
life is meaningless and empty because of tht
feeling tht there is no one dear to me in this world
i have no one to depend on..
i am jealous of some of friends around me
they have a love which i can never experience or can
ever have..
I wish things would change but it never did..
nothing changed..
friends become my purpose of living and only support n comfort
i hated staying home..many times i felt like running away
but i had nothing..or didn't have the ability to do so..
eventhough i wished i would faster grow up
and breakaway from the miserable place
in my heart..there is a longing to have a FAMILY.
i never know what is a mother's or a father's love
my presence is just like dust.
the house i stay in doesn't feels like home
it's just a big house supported by walls..
even nw when i have grown up..
i could move out..
maybe it would be better..
maybe my mother will be better without me..
we will be happier..
but i will be all alone..
after 21 years of their nagging, mother's control, having unwanted,
feeling not belonged...
it's weird,to not have it anymore...
like i am use to it already...
a family love i so badly yearn for='(
but on positive note,
there is a new purpose and strength to live for
my future with mr penguin!!
i will work hard!!
off to swimming!mr penguin is going to teach me swimming!=)
miss you all my friends...<3
